Wednesday, November 12, 2008

静夜思

倒霉事年年有,今年特别多!

整整一年,我大概只能用一个字来形容我的生活:乱。
本不该是这样的。
我应该是一个善于规划自己的生活的人,小学、初中、高中。无论哪一个年龄段,我都会为自己设定好目标,然后一步一步朝目标前进。就像是有了辩论的时间表,尽管可能不是每一步都遵照时间表进行,但起码我会知道距离目标,我到底差了多少!

现在不同了,自从来到这里,我曾经为自己制定的人生轨道就彻底乱了。本该走的路,本该去的方向全然不同了。好像火车突然冲出了轨道,我很想掌控,却无力应对,最终只能呆呆地握着方向盘,听天由命,随它恣意乱撞。然后接踵而至便是无助,是彷徨;最后是随遇而安,是逆来顺受。

每天,重复不断的问自己,你将来要做什么?你想做什么?没有结果。
每天,为了逃避自己的问题,给自己找了千百个理由。

讨厌现在的自己,恶心这样的自己!
这样的“走一步算一步”让我很没有安全感。
真的看不到前进的灯塔……

手机又丢了,自责多过伤心。试图掩盖,却欲盖弥彰。
我可以不要这么理性吗?我可以不要这么乐观吗?
我可以选择在没人的角落,歇斯底里的喊一喊,或者直接扑到妈妈的怀里,撒娇似的落下几颗眼泪吗?我可以在痛恨时像丢垃圾一样把自己丢掉,然后空闲了再捡回来吗?!我可以把自己大卸八块、血流成河之后,等待痛苦的消逝,再把自己拼装起来吗?

不知道,大概是厌恶自己太久了吧……

歌德在《浮士德》中说过:善良人在追求中纵然迷惘,却终将意识到有一条正途。
但愿我能尽快找到自己的归途吧!

Monday, November 10, 2008

I am free!

wakakakakakkkkk!!! I finished all the exams!!!

These days were quite tired...didn't sleep for two nights...every day had to face the boring books--Malaysian Economy, Internation Economy Issues, Microeconomy, Statistics...Didn't hang out, didn't surf internet, didn't go shopping, sometimes even do not have time to eat!!
This is the most tired exam I've ever had!
OK, ok. Finally,everything is finished!

Now, I am quite free and relax, I will accept all the invitation about Breakfasts, Lunches, Dinners, Movies, Clubbing, shopping and bank robbery.
I'd also like to do everything I can to those who need my help.
Contact me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week!!
HAHAHA

Friday, October 10, 2008

随笔

Draw my ambition back!
郁闷很久了,也该精神过来了吧!
中华杯打完后,整个人就down下去了。和之前蹦床时的自己相比,简直是不可同日而语。难道真的是乐极生悲?!阿弥陀佛,我决定相信佛的话了。

总觉得这个冠军不是我的,即使我有参赛证、有奖牌、有证书。

因为自己不好吧,真的不好吧!有什么不能承认的呢?一直以来都不怎么勤奋,又没什么贡献。靠着队友的不懈努力,才能白白捞了个冠军回来……

有种当小偷的感觉,静悄悄的“顺手牵羊”,虽然有结果,却享受不到成功的满足感。又像是沾了别人的大便宜,连一场象样的比赛都没打过,还敢厚着脸皮说自己是冠军队的队员……

有时候,真的不敢承认自己是个辩手。总觉得凭自己的实力,要做马大的辩手,只能用周杰伦的一首歌来形容:我不配。

不像我,不像我。
要赶紧振作起来了!做一个Great debator!
(想想刚进来那小瓜,只比我小5个月,居然还有四年的时间在辩论队混,而我只才有一年半了。不爽,不爽!)

拍马屁
我以为在逃离了ZG的集权统治之后,在崇尚自由、平等的国外,应该再见不到“溜须拍马”这种招数了吧。结果我错了,原来拍马屁这种东西是全世界通用的! 最起码也是全世界华人通用吧!

错了吗? 没有!
面对可能会对自己有用的人,说说痒痒话,既能使人家心情愉悦,又能让自己未来的道路更加平坦,有什么错?曹操都说过嘛:人不为己,天诛地灭啊!
对了吗? 也没!
难道可以为了取悦别人就牺牲自己的诚信吗?难道可以为了自己一点点的便利,就典当尊严吗? 哪里对? 李白也说:安能摧眉折腰事权贵,使我不得开心颜?!

曾经,我也会有意无意地采取一些手段来取悦对我有需要的人。
现在,我决定忠于自己的心。
毕竟,你不可能做到面面俱到。有时顾得这头,顾不着那头。
何必呢!弄得自己身心俱惫,费力还不讨好。
做人嘛,简简单单最好。没必要刻意追捧谁,做自己就好。
能被欣赏与否,见仁见智。
如果真是“道不同”,那就没必要“相为谋”,装是装不出的。
最后,想起兰德的一句诗:我和谁都不争, 和谁争我都不屑…

政治
今天给家里打电话,爸爸问我,你知道国家最近开XX会吗?
我说不知道,但是我知道马来西亚最近马华党党选。昨天还去看了署理总会长的竞选辩论……
爸爸无语,最后他选择逃避我的问题,只接着自己的话讲,说在这个XX会上,国家通过了XX决策……

我忽然怅然若失,作为中国未来的接班人,我竟然对自己国家的大事不闻不问,还很自豪似的。

真是忘本,忘本啊!
所以,我决定,在关注马来西亚政治的同时,也不放弃对国内大事发展的注意!
要两手抓,两手都要硬!
还有! 讲话不要有联邦腔……

停水
我都要脏死了。
回家没洗手,上完厕所没冲水,一整天没冲凉……
我不由得感叹:水,生命之源啊!

曾经看三毛讲过的故事,说是在非洲那边,由于过度缺水,有些人10多年都不曾洗过澡。好不容易逮住个机会,为了能把自己弄干净,非洲的人们都是用片状的石头来刮自己的身体,刮下来的是一滩一滩泥浆……
我的境况虽不至于严重到那种程度,但也足够让我自己恶心自己的了。
不过,换个角度想想,如果这次停水能够让大家意识到水的重要性,进而能够更好的节约用水的话,也不矢为一件好事。
那我这一整天的肮肮脏脏也就不算白费了吧!

猫叫春
最近,门外总有只老猫死命得叫春儿。婴儿哭似的叫声弄得人心里毛毛的。
真是讨厌,老子一个人过了这么多年,都没叫过一声! 你才多大点啊,叫个鬼啊!
唉,牲口就是牲口,一点不含蓄,也没有礼貌。
我决定,下辈子还是做人吧!不过,要换做男人!

Sunday, August 31, 2008

ChAnGe a BeTTeR LiFe!

I am so RoTTen, SiCk and LoOk DisGusting these days!
Never read books, always online late untill 4 am, eat too much and getting even more fatter, hang out late, spent too much money...
HaTe Myself now!!! GOod Girl Gone Bad!!
Preparing a ChanGe...
From now on, work hard, don't open computer unless a emergency case, On dieT to LOSE WEIGHT, and and and Save Save Save money$$$$$$$$$$$$!!!
No MoRe BOring Jokes anymore!
HaHaHa...

Monday, August 18, 2008

The girl is me

19th of August of 1988, the talented girl was born.

This is the last day before she is 20 years old.

A little upset, a little disappointed, a little desperate.

20 years old means she needs to think more about her life.
20 years old means she has to decided her future destiny.
20 years old means she should grow up and face the world.
20 years old means she can't pretend as an idot and don't care everything any more!

Can she still be CRAZY at her 20 something?!

I admit it is her,herself, who are refusing to grow up.Because she believes when people become old, life won't be simple anymore. If you don't believe her, just think about the boy or girl you fell in love with when you are a child. Maybe she/he is not good-looking, maybe she/he is not rich. But when love beckons you, you will just follow it. That is called simple. Then, look at yourself now,can you answer my question "Are You Simple" without any doubts?!

She met the boy when she was 13 years old. she doesn't treat it as love anyway, and she doesn't call him "boy friend".They do not even have a kiss.But they do like each other.

The girl's house is not far from school, but he insisted on seeing her home everyday. Then the most beautuful time of a day was the moment they went back home together hand in hand while riding their bicycles. If there weren't many people in the road, they would sing loudly.
See, life is that crazy at that time!

Every day a girl could receive a sweet or chocolate from him. Everyday there was a note sent together with the sweet or chocolate would be read by the girl. Then everyday the girl woke up with a little question mark in her mind: what would he write on his notes today? Untill now the girl is still used to bring some sweets along.
Hehe, life is that sweet at that time~~

They did have bad times,although she is not the kind of girl who never allows her boyfriend talks to other girls.That time she really got angry. she was completely been ignored! So she decided to stop talking to him anymore. The little poor boy totally didn't know what to do. So he madly wrote her name all on his shirt and shoes.Then she laughed.laughed happily! What a stupid boy...hehe. Really a pretty moment when she saw her name everywhere on his shoes.The expensive white Nike shoes!
Wow, life is so unpredictable at that time!

Do you pursuing that kind of simple life? Maybe you don't,but she does. She is still looking for someone who holds the simple faith "he likes her" and wish to do all the stupid things to love her. But she also knows that the older she is the less possibility will she have to find the guy.

Isn't it a little sad?

Simple,it's just too simple to find. Maybe she has already given up...

She never met the boy after graduated from her junior school.
7 years, she has already forgot the face of him.
But the moment they shared she would never forget.

Anyway, whatever comes around and goes around will just be a part of life...hehe

Be brave girl!

By the way, She lost her best present for her 20 year's birthday--The chance to attend the International Varsity Dabate Competition.
What a pity!
But her heros are still the best in her heart!! she will love them forever!

She miss her home, her family and her friends!


Saturday, August 16, 2008

瞬息之间

一切都是瞬息
一切都将会过去
而那过去了的,将会成为最真切的怀恋

我不是没有目的的。
我就是为了国辩!
我就是想有朝一日站在国际的大舞台上,用自己的方式告诉大家,我们马大很强的!
即使我可能程度不好,经验不足,思维不够。
即使我可能不受重视,被遗忘,甚至没有机会。
可是我始终静静地看,仔细地学,默默地记。
我相信勤能补拙,天道酬勤。

我爱北大。
曾经,也是现在。
可是当北大遇到马大,我会毫不犹豫地,斩钉截铁地,全心全意地支持马大!
不仅因为它是我的大学。
是因为我看到一群人,他们为了辩论真心的付出。
是因为我看到一个家,家长、孩子为了一个目标,努力着,奋斗着。
是因为我看到一种信念,热爱辩论,享受辩论!

上帝真是个孩子。
他淘气地跟我们开着玩笑。
只可惜他的玩笑让太多人泣不成声、捶胸顿足乃至肝肠寸断。

孩子,你们不该输!

即使我也很希望你们应对“人才流失”的时候可以斩钉截铁的告诉他这个问题所有国家都有所以他不成气候;
即使我也很希望你们面对印尼问题的轮番挑战时可以多几次告诉他们我们的报告留住的不是劳工而是人才;
即使我也很希望你们解决无能政府问题时能够更有气势、更坚定地告诉他们还有人民;
即使我也很希望你们在面对对方的人格轰炸时可以站起来理性的回击!

可是我所有的希望都绝对不足以成为你们输的理由!
输了的是无能的举办当局无端端将五个评判改成三个;
输了的的无知的评审以自己立场作为输赢的考量;
输了的是所有的观众都没有能力去发现以及解决以上的两个问题!

孩子,我不懂你为什么会底气不足。
是不是太久的辩论让你们麻木,以至于忘了辩论给你的最初感动?
是不是家长为你做了太多,从而失去了自己身体力行的机会?
是不是曾经的成就太显著,以至于没有人敢站出来质疑你们的不足与不对?

撇开那些混蛋评判,也许我们也还是输在气势上罢。
因为辩论不是简单的例行公事。
因为辩论就是要说服。

我猜:
在房屋的包围中,在蔚蓝的天空下,在清晨的第一缕阳光过窗前的时候。
那个房间里会隐着最含蓄的悲哀。
而悲哀的路是无限的悠长的。
你们是可以流泪的,却是不能绝望的。
因为还有我们,在等待着英雄们的起来!

我不知该如何表达。
那是干枯的眼睛期待着泉涌的热泪。

当不移的灰色的行列在遥远的天际爬行,
我有太多的话语,太悠久的感情……

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Bad day...

All the international students have to take a course called Introduction to Malaysia. A course should be interesting but actully so damn boring! There are couples of friends which we met when we were taking the English course. This is not important. What I wanted to say is that I was caught reading Chinese book during lecture time! Well, I am wrong...not being careful enough. There are millions of people who were doing other things in the class--playing games,surf the internet,sending sms....but only me got caught....what a shame!

But to me is not a big deal. I always doing other things on lectures which I don't like. As long as I have a good result, everything is OK! Because some of the lecturers are really...sort of...stupid! I always find mistakes in the lecture notes and they seldom answer your questions. So what?! Just skip la! I can even teach them! haha .Just bluffing!
Ok,I am not feeling well today...The words above is just a execuse. I feel a little sorry to the teacher whom we all like and always nice to us...

I got sick...
Bad day......

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Timekiller

I will never watch Korean Serial again!

erm...maybe one more time...

OK,next time will be the last time!

This is how I surrender to myseelf. Now it's 3 AM, the reason why I am still awake is the damn korean serial! Actually I am not a fan of korean stuffs, to the opposite, I hate them! But things come to a little different about the their serials. Whenever I see them, I got addicted. Then I will step into a beautiful dream which I make it by myself! Until time goes by, when I suddenly realise I am living in a real world, I got disappointed. Because fairy tales are only in the books. Reality is reality.

Sometimes I really want to be a child again. Never works, never get angry, never dreams, never lose hopes....

My friends told me that I need to be brave. If no messages, no calls, no e-mails, no body knows. My excuse is that I am still young, I don't know how to love and how to be loved!
haha Wake up,girl! 9 days later, you will be 20.
Need to grow up...

Who is my special one?!
hahahaha!
Handsome!

Saturday, August 2, 2008

这一年(从2007年7月到2008年7月)

这一年,远离祖国,远离亲人,去到异地漂泊。
这一年,留下了遗憾。
这一年,和南京小丫头住到了第八宿舍的B412,开始了从未经历过的宿舍生活。她教会我很多。
这一年,曾经有一人女人不跟我说话。后来好了很多。
这一年,最开心的日子是和来自全世界各个国家的人一起读语言。
这一年,学会了拒绝和忍受寂寞。
这一年,通过了语言考试,并顺利地进入了大学。
这一年,跟同学庆祝考试的胜利,回来后高烧不退。
这一年,生病的时候,也曾给妈妈打电话然后歇斯底里的大哭。
这一年,曾经悲痛的搬家。离开那些留在八宿的美好记忆。
这一年,最不理智的是为了一个桌子大发脾气。结果她无比大度,还贴心地原谅我。
这一年,三个人住到405,并建立了深厚的、铁打不动的革命友谊!
这一年,最激动的日子是和大家一起迎新周!一起欢呼,一起感动,一同累到半夜才睡。
这一年,第一次离开祖国过生日。但这一次感动的哭了。
这一年,代表国际学生上了马来西亚最大的英文报纸教育版的封面。
这一年,和狗屎运搭档两个人去了云顶游乐园。
这一年,第一次经历的穆斯林的斋月,只是没能有勇气从日出到日落一天都不吃不喝。
这一年,又和狗屎运搭档去了朋友的家乡,马来西亚的东海岸--关丹。
这一年,爸爸妈妈来看过我。他们决定如果看到我生活不好就立即带我回来!结果走的时候,还是他们两个。
这一年,第一次重回祖国大陆,带着泪水闻到冬天的气息。
这一年,妈妈生了一场闹到现在的病。
这一年,全家和姥姥姥爷去了华东五市,有点遗憾南京小妞没能出来看我。
这一年,第一次去老师家作客。
这一年,差一点入党。
这一年,第一次在网上订了便宜的机票。
这一年,又重回马来西亚,在机场,抱着妈妈哭着,然后大胆向前走,没有回头。
这一年,曾那么想念马来西亚的味道。
这一年,实现了大部分的计划。
这一年,第一次在外地过年。三十晚上,我们在楼下餐厅和国际友人抢电视看春节联欢晚会。
这一年,第一次用吃汤圆代替吃饺子。
这一年,第一次过年没买新衣服。
这一年,把手机丢了。又继续支持了诺基亚。
这一年,405身在曹营心在汉的那个女的搬走了。但却过得比以前更好了。为她祝福。
这一年,最喜欢的女老师一个去了英国,一个去了澳大利亚。
这一年,两个穿开裆裤时的朋友都去了法国,弟弟去了新西兰。
这一年,加入了国际顶级的辩论队,并在不到一个星期的训练后,随队去马六甲参加表演赛。
这一年,最有收获的日子是白天上课,晚上去辩论队训练,半夜和一群兄弟姐妹们去喝茶,听他们讲辩论队的历史,听他们说身边的故事,在心里默默重新认识马来西亚。然后一两点被我亲爱的队友送回家。
这一年,最伤心的事是因为回家的机票,失去了参与世界大专辩论赛的机会。这一年,第一次穿连衣裙去参加晚会。
这一年,最振奋人心的事是观看火炬传递并带头唱响国歌。那一刻,热泪盈眶。
这一年,还是在考试之前临时抱佛脚。还曾为了背难受的政治经济学抓耳挠腮。
这一年,在考完试的第一天就又回到了祖国的怀抱。
这一年,一个人出去旅行,秦皇岛、唐山、北京。然后发现好朋友还是一辈子的!
这一年,暑假和朋友们大早上8点去k歌,发现我还是一如既往K歌之王!
这一年,除了中国,又多了一个国家需要祝福。
这一年,除了亲人,又多了一班朋友需要牵挂。
这一年,我在大马成长,长大。


这一年,瘦了,又胖了。
现在依然是小肥鹅。

这一年,剪过两次头。
现在是一如既往的大脸上顶着一头不和谐的过肩长发。

这一年,曾经那么地喜欢过一个人,有过一次不想让人知道的也鲜为人知的感情经历。
现在,还是一个人。

这一年,从朴新阳崇拜到梁朝伟。
现在欣赏胡渐彪。

这一年,丢失了曾经的宽容,多了许多从没有过的挑剔、与抱怨。
现在正在挽回中。

这一年,不经常上QQ,不是那么频繁的问候老朋友们。
现在,很高兴他们能不计较,一样铁!

这一年,曾经满怀壮志决定出去闯一闯,并决定不轻易回国。
现在,为了妈妈,我决定早点回来造福祖国。



这一年最遗憾的是没能去成新加坡。
这一年最想干却没能干成的事是出去挣钱。
这一年最想不通的是为什么瘦了不多。
这一年最思念的是家中父母。
这一年最需要感谢的人是辩论队的朋友们。
这一年关注最多是祖国的同胞。
这一年最希望的事是和每一个朋友都见上一面。
这一年最需要努力的事是要成长为一个伟大的辩手。
这一年最需要祝福的是天下所有的父母。
这一年最害怕的事是四川大地震。
这一年最鄙视的人是藏独分子。
这一年奥运会一定会成功!
这一年藏独们都不得好死!
这一年抗震救灾一定完成!

这一年发生了很多,很多。
我也不知道我是进步了还是退步了。
但是唯一不变的是:现在,我依然是我!

Saturday, July 26, 2008

History of my blog

Finally,i am ok now.hehe

It seems that I need to write something.One of my friends told me that blogs are like babys. you need to always take care of them. If you can't do so,please don't open your account.

According to his saying,i am ruining a baby! wooooow! I am so bad.

But I don't mean to open this. The things is months before,i wanted to leave a message to my captain. But I don't have a google account. Then i just want to open an google account,but accidently I open my blog...I born a baby ACCIDENTLY...wooooooooo!

As the mistake i've made,i have to undertake it! I have to take my responsibilities to take care of my baby from now on. Or I will be killed by the friend who treat his blogs like his life...what a weird person!

This is the history of my blog.

My secret place!! Write anything i want and just write to myself.

Wahaha the poor me in the world.